Highs and Lows August 7, 2008

At times in the valleys, there is no choice but to stand on the Word of God and His promises when you’re facing a mountain that reaches to the heights of the skies.  There is no other source of strength, no other encouragement, nothing that can motivate.  The reality of seeing something with your eyes and hearing negative or evil reports with your natural ears is a challenge to overcome.  If God said it - He’ll do it.

It is not often you are living in the reality of something but trusting in the supernatural to change that reality.  It’s hard.  Patience is essential.  Waiting on the Lord renews strength.  The trial of faith is more precious than gold.  When you’ve done all else, stand in the full armor of God.  Cast down imaginations.  Believe God for the impossible.  Impossible situations are nothing more than an opportunity for God to show His greatness and miracles.  He follows the anointing with signs and wonders.

Even in the valley, there are highs and lows.  Moments of overwhelming peace and comfort are treasured.  Moments of heaviness creep in if the guard dozes off for a second.  Weariness and feeling drained sets in.  Worship and the Word fill up the emptiness.  It’s a bit cyclical - all the time never failing to thank God for His goodness and Sovereignty in the midst of the storm.  He is I AM.  Blessed be the name of the Lord in all His ways and glory be to Him that sits on the throne of the earth for who He is and the heart He has for His people.

Taking Care July 29, 2008

Always, I’ve told people that they need to take care of themselves or they’ll be useless to take care of others.  Why is heeding one’s own advice so hard?  I feel like I’m falling apart a little and I long so desperately for someone just to take care of me and all my needs.  For once though, I do feel a freedom from being responsible for everything around me.  During worship at one of our many meetings last week during a conference, I felt something in me break and shatter to a billion pieces - it was obliterated.  I do the best I can which is usually far less than what others do (in my opinion), but then again we’re not supposed to compare.  Either way, I can’t seem to balance all these burdens on my shoulders, so I decided to stop trying. 

I work when I can and if I don’t get enough hours in to pay my bills - so be it.  I’ve learned not to put my trust in any man, including myself, for finances or to meet my emotional needs.  Jesus promised He would take care of me, so I’m either going to trust Him and live by that faith or not.  I choose to take a step toward letting Him carry these burdens for me. 

Lately, I’ve been so emotionally and physically drained.  I’m tired, but in good spirits.  I cried today a little bit for not liking myself for what I can’t do, but got over it and took a nap.  No one knows what their neighbor is going through and I’m not concerned about people judging me or my actions during this stressful season in my life - I just try to remember that maybe others around me are really going through a tough time too.  We should encourage each other, not condemn one another for not living up to unrealistic expectations.  Even if the person next to me can work circles around me and still carry all this other stuff, that’s wonderful.  I’m thrilled that they are in a place where that is possible, but I’m not there yet.  Maybe one day.

In the meantime, I have to learn to take care of myself.  I don’t mean to complain because I try so hard to be a servant to my brothers and sisters in the Lord.  I’m now finding a balance.  For the longest time, I couldn’t say no when someone needed my help.  Then I went through a phase where I pretty much said no to everything.  Now, I’m finding a middle ground because my heart is to lay my life down for my brothers, my friends, but my body and mind can’t always seem to comply with my heart’s desires.  If I’m completely drained of all energy, then I can’t possibly be of any help - as much as I want to be. 

I guess I need to learn to give myself permission to take time for myself.  I’m always so quick to try and be there for people when they’re in need.  Really, that’s my heart’s desire, but it’s taking it’s toll.  When we pour out our vessel, we need to fill it back up.  I know that principle, but lately it seems to be a continual flow, not just a once in a while thing.  All I want is a day for me - is that selfish?  I don’t know.  I have no idea how mother’s do it.  There is no way I’m prepared for that!!  I can’t even seem to take care of me at the moment, much less this needy little person that depends on me for everything. 

Basically, I really don’t mean to complain and that’s not my intent.  I’m fine.  I’m okay.  I’m plodding on.  I’m just a little weary of the journey, but I am by no means stopping.  I’m just taking a breath to take care of me for a quick second; then I’ll be back up and functioning as normally as possible given the circumstances.

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Peace of Mind July 17, 2008

I am so much happier than I was a couple posts ago!  PRAISE JESUS!!  Sometimes, more than not, I am way too introspective, analytical, and I think too much.  I blame my mother - it’s gotta be somebody’s fault, right?  haha

It’s amazing to me how with one word or breathe, God can make all the cares of this world drift a million miles away.  I was really struggling and doing everything I knew to fight the voices tormenting me - even in my own mind or soul.  Doubt, fear, and condemnation have a hay day in my head and with my emotions!! 

Anyway, I had talked with a handful of people about the troubles weighing on my mind and nothing seemed to help.  Finally, a conversation with my beloved pastor made my load about a ton lighter!  I love chatting with him, but sometimes it’s not much help and sometimes it is.  Sometimes I leave feeling more condemned or messed up - not by his fault at all.  I’m an expert of hearing what isn’t said.  I’m a woman which makes me a natural at that to begin with, but then add a little dose of oppression from the enemy and I’ll hear you say something you’ve never even thought before.  Back to my story - so I went to counsel with my pastor thinking it would be no help because nothing has helped and the only thing that could change what I’m going through is if Jesus Himself were to come stand in front of me and tell me what to do and that He’s taking my burden and exchanging it for peace.  I was extremely surprised that Jesus did that through a conversation with my Papa (my pastor).  Nonetheless, I’m grateful. 

There are still cares of this world to tend to and they aren’t going away.  At least now, I’ve been able to tap into the grace to carry the load and the peace to endure it.  His yoke is easy and His burden is light, right?  Believe it.

Claddagh Ring July 11, 2008

My favorite possession is my claddagh ring.  It’s an Irish ring (which is fitting as I am partially Irish) given in friendship or as a wedding ring.  It consists of 2 hands holding a heart with a crown covering it.  The hands represent friendship, the heart love, and the crown loyalty. 

My particular ring has a very sentimental story attached to it.  Since I was about 19 years old, I’ve worn a ring on my ring finger to represent my betrothal to Jesus.  It reminded me that I am His and to keep myself for my natural husband.  (So far, so good)! 

The first ring I wore, I gave to my friend Keri after her death at the graveside service once everyone had departed except a few of her closest friends.  As far as I know, she was still a virgin when she died, so I thought it was fitting at the time.  It’s buried in her casket with her.  (Is that morbid?  I don’t think so, but I apologize to anyone I may have offended). 

So then, I bought myself another ring and gave it to another girl I had met to encourage her in her journey with the Lord.  She gave me a gold thumb ring with her name on it in exchange.  I wore it for a while because it reminded me to pray for her, but since we don’t share the same name, I got tired of telling people why I wore a ring with another girl’s name on it. 

Again, I bought myself another ring and gave it to a dear friend I met in South Africa after telling her the story of why I wore a chastity ring because she found it very heart warming or whatever.  A few months after that, she moved here to the States.  She gave me a claddagh ring - which I had never seen before.  She was wearing it as a chastity ring because the ring I had given her she had given to another girl.  Anyway, enter the claddagh . . .

I didn’t like it at first because it had a green stone for the heart and I wasn’t crazy about that.  However, I was still lacking a new chastity ring and the friend meant a lot to me, so it worked.  I had it for a few years - longer than all the other rings.  I have a cousin that lives a distance from me, but every time I would go visit, she would insist on wearing my claddagh ring until I’d go back home.  This went on for about a year and then I decided to give it to her as a Christmas gift with the story of its meaning and why I wore it - for spiritual reasons.  By the time Christmas came, she had already bought herself a claddagh ring, but is all silver with no stone.  I gave her mine anyway as that was the gift I had for her, so she cried when she opened the little box and read the letter and immediately took her ring off and gave it to me.  I still wear it to this day - even as I’m typing.

My cousin wore the ring for a while and this past year, I noticed her not wearing it anymore.  So one day, I was snooping and found the ring amongst some older jewelry of hers.  The stone had fallen out and broke apart when I tried to fix it.  Hopefully she won’t read this because she’s getting that same ring for Christmas again this year - only with her birthstone in it.

Now, let me get into the meaning of the way in which the ring is worn.  Worn on the right hand with the design facing away from the body means the person is singe and available for romantic pursuits.  Worn on the right hand with the design facing the person means that someone has ‘captured their heart’ or they are taken, spoken for, etc.  Worn on the left hand ring finger with the design facing outward means the person is engaged and on the same finger with the design facing inward means the person is married.  Those are the technical meanings, but I never knew all the details.  I just thought outward meant available and inward meant taken, so that’s how I’ve always worn it - on my left hand ring finger as my chastity ring.

A couple years ago, it got moved to my middle finger on my left hand though.  For one, it’s really too big for my ring finger and kept falling off at inopportune times.  The real reason is a guy I worked with asked if I had gotten married while he was gone.  I definitely didn’t want people thinking I was married! 

Anyway, that’s the story of my chastity-claddagh ring.  It only comes off when I shower and even if I’m fully clothed, I feel naked if I’m not wearing it.  I have a feeling it’s not going anywhere even after I get married - maybe to a different hand.

Innocence Lost July 11, 2008

I remember a girl that not only always saw the glass half full, but was so appreciative that the Lord had found fit to give us drink.  She always saw the best in everyone she met.  There were no pretenses.  No masks.  She could see negative aspects to different personalities, but was blinded to those not so pretty traits by unconditional compassion.  She scolded those close to her for making judgements prematurely and offered suggestions as to why that person might act that way instead of joining the cynical crowd.  There was always a bright side to life.  She smiled at people for no reason at all and found joy in the simplest things in life.

I miss her and often wonder where she went.

Jesus has reminded me recently of His undying love and how powerful it is.  The dealings and trials life throws at us can become overwhelming and make the purest of hearts become calloused and engrossed in thorns.  That once vibrant, fun-loving, worry-free heart becomes cold, cynical, and hard without even realizing it.  It’s similar to cooking frogs.  Have you ever heard the way to do that?  They say (I cannot personally testify to this) that if you throw a frog in boiling water, it will just jump out of the pot immediately, but if you put a frog in room temperature water and then start to boil it; the frog will say in the water until it is cooked all the way through. 

So where am I going with all this?  I dunno.  Just writing really.  It could be any number of things that sealed the deal with what I’ve become, but I believe it’s been a culmination of all my heart has put me through and the cares of this world I failed to give to Jesus.  He reminds me that He carried ALL my burdens to the cross.  He is ABLE to carry them now.  I remind Him that’s easier said than done, but I still try.

Somewhere, deep down - that innocent heart still beats - beyond all the darkness and pain and worry.  I’m so blessed and grateful that that’s the heart Jesus sees - not the junk in the way.  Over the years, my perception of how loving God is changed a little and I didn’t even know it.  I used to believe that He would never do anything that would make us feel pain.  All he wanted for us was to be full of joy and live happily ever after.  I know that is partially true, but not very realistic of who He truly is.  He always has and always will love me more than I can begin to comprehend, but He is my Father.  Fathers allow their children to go through pain and hurt for many reasons - discipline, strength, growth, character just to name a few. 

There has been a heaviness in my heart for years - not attached to any one event, but many.  These are things I don’t talk about because I find it pointless and in vain when I know others are dealing with their own burdens and pains of life.  For some reason, others’ dealings seem so much harder than mine, I just figure I’ll get through it with Jesus - and I always do.  He has been more faithful than I could have asked Him to be.  I’m tired now though - of carrying these burdens alone.  It’s time, once and for all, to give them to Jesus and let Him carry them for me.  Not only that, I have no choice but to keep going, but the constant blow after blow after blow to my heart is taking its toll.  I feel like I’ve had the very life pummelled out of me - yes, my carnal life - but the vibrance that once dwelled within also.  I seemed to let the baby slip out with the bathwater. 

Is it too much to ask Jesus for a break from life’s lessons?  Can I just rest and be happy again for a while?  Please let me regain some strength to fight the battles ahead.  Help me find the place where that innocence dwells and let me remain with You there.

Gee Whiz - I’m Beat!! June 18, 2008

My schedule just got insanely crazy again after only working one job for two weeks and being off school during that time too.  So Monday, my busy schedule started again with a couple hours of school in the morning before work, then Bible Study/School at night after work - including cleaning, paying bills, keeping up with relationships.

Today, I started “number crunching” which is always discouraging.  I don’t know why I bother.  I do try my very best to be frugal, but I don’t think there’s a word for trying to live off the pay from one part time job.  Impossible! - without Jesus anyway.  After realizing that I only make about $5 more than what my bills are per month, I realized that there’s no way I can work to save money or pay off any debt for the time being which I HATE.  I’m a little bit anal about money. 

So, I’m left casting my cares on the shoulders of my Savior.  I’m not poor-mouthing by any means.  All my needs are met - always.  I don’t really know why I try and figure out how to pay all the bills coming my way because I cannot do it in my strength.  I realize that Jesus is just gonna have to send a miracle my way and He always does because I’m never left wanting.  I’m scraping by and I’m not complaining - I don’t even know how I got on this subject . . .

My point was supposed to be that I was figuring out how many hours I need to work at my alternate job to get ahead.  I figured it all out which spreads me REALLY thin, but then thought to myself that I don’t depend on a job as a source of provision anyway - I trust my Heavenly Father for His provision for my life.  I came to this conclusion a little over a year ago when I moved home from Canada.  I had no prospects of a job and ended up telling Jesus that He’s my husband so it’s HIS responsibility to take care of me and my finances.  He already knew that though because that’s what He’s done my whole life - and will continue to do.

I wonder if He’ll add more hours to the day for me.  That’s the most recent request I sent His way.  See, if I weren’t so dreadfully tired then I would be able to get up at 7am instead of 8 or 9am.  That would help tremendously.  I’ve been going to bed before midnight lately, so that’s a big help too.  I don’t mean to sound lazy, but I really am an 8-9 hr. a night girl.  Anything less and I’m a mess!  I can sacrifice sleep for a while if there is a grace to do it, but I hate it when other people just tell me to get up earlier.  They have no idea what those of us whose body requires more sleep go through when we’re sleep deprived.  Really, when I wake up, I stumble into walls and probably look drunk to the fly on the wall.  Whatever - I’m done with that soapbox.

This week, I haven’t worked as much as I need to because other things keep popping up that need my attention.  My mom would say “Work comes first”.  I get that.  However, stuff comes up and I end up putting off not only work, but my Jesus time too.  So, after I take care of the cares of this world, I spend time with Jesus which makes me late for work.  Late is relative though - I make my own hours which trust me, I know is a HUGE blessing.  Anyway, I need to start doing the Jesus thing first when I wake up - it’s just hard because I’m not really awake for the first hour of the day. 

Basically, I need to get on a schedule and be more disciplined about it.  I’m trying - I’m not my mother though.  She gets up every day anywhere between 5-7am just to have her quiet time and get ready before arriving at work at 8:30am.  I’ve always been the type that gets out of bed at 8:15 to get there at 8:30.  Anyone can change though, right?  I’m just gonna have to start teaching this ole body some new tricks!!

Everyone I know June 9, 2008

My best friend and I were discussing the movie 27 dresses - the premise of the movie is about a woman that had 27 bridesmaid dresses, but was never a bride.  That sparked a conversation about all my bridesmaid dresses.  Nikki (the best friend) asked me how many I still have.  I have no idea how many I still have - at least two or three.  But I started calculating the many weddings I’ve participated in.  The number is 10 (that I can recall anyway).  Here’s the breakdown:  Bridesmaid, 5 times; Flower girl, 2 times; Bulletins/Register, 3 times.  Then there are the two to three times I was asked to be in the wedding, but it never came to pass.  Those don’t really count though, huh?

My friends and one cousin in particular joke that I should make attending weddings a career.  I do it anyway, so I know all the proper protocol and have plenty of clothes for the occasion.  If only I could make money at it!  The cousin jokes that I know more married couples than just plain people that he knows.  If you asked me to count the number of weddings I’ve attended - there’s no way to recall.  My dad was a minister when I was growing up, so my family was always invited to the weddings at the church since he preformed them.  Then of course, my entourage of friends that have married since high school.  There’s also my humongous family with tons of cousins that are now married.  Last, but not least, I’ve always been invited to weddings of people I knew through my mom - her friend’s kids.  So I wanted to start this entry by saying most everyone I know is married or getting married.

I wanted to conclude this post by speaking about the others that have died.  I have yet to apologize because I know it’s not my fault and maybe it would be out of a morbid sense of humor - but the father of little Jenna from a previous post once said to me, “I don’t want to be your friend anymore because everyone you know dies.”  We laughed because I know it was a joke and my feelings weren’t at all hurt.  Since then though, his little princess went to be with Jesus.  I know I’m not cursed or anything and it’s not my fault that I’ve attended a significant amount of funerals (not quite as many as weddings though).  I just thought an apology would be an appropriate response to his comment so many months ago.  Maybe not - maybe it would be off-color.  You just have to know our personalities and the dynamic of the friendship I suppose.  He reminded me yesterday of the first time I visited my friend (his wife) at their apartment.  He wanted a glass of orange juice, so proceeded to shake the carton.  However, the lid was not tightened properly, so the orange juice flew all over the place, drenching him in the process.  From that point forward, he’s been an open target for my wisecracks!

Anyway, it is true that I’ve attended many funerals or memorial services.  My dad, being the minister, would let me stay home from school on occasion to be the acolyte at funeral services since they are usually during the day.  Most of those funerals were elderly people though and I didn’t really know them.  In the past few years though, there have been a lot of deaths.  One of the most tragic and the first truly life-changing experience I had was when my lifelong friend died in a car accident.  That was 11 years ago.  About a year and a half ago, her dad died unexpectedly.  I remember when both her dad’s parents died too.  That was when we were kids though.  My friend Casey’s mom died when we were 13.  I knew her mom because Casey was my best friend.  Her mom taught us how to play rummy.  We still enjoy that together to this day.  Her mom was only 32 - our age now (close enough anyway). 

So anyway, in the past few years, both my grandmothers have passed and the only grandfather I ever knew.  I always called him PawPaw because I couldn’t say his name.  Both of my grandfathers died before I was born.  My grandmother even remarried and that guy died before I was born too.  So this couple, Louise and Harrell took care of my brother andI a lot when we were toddlers.  My mom didn’t have any family to help her, so this couple was a godsend.  They quickly became ooo-ise and pawpaw.  Louise is all I have left for a grandparent.  Of course, there’s my friend Dan’l that died in the motorcycle accident last year.  It’s only a few days shy of 10 months ago.  Funny how we keep track of that.  There have been other acquaintances or friends of our family that have died too.  My heart hurt so horribly when my friend’s little girl died a few years ago.  It was her first pregnancy and everything was perfect, until childbirth.  Apparently, it was the fault of the doctor or machines or something.  They got a settlement from the tragic event, but would much rather have their little girl.  That friend has known a lot of death too - within 2 or 3 years, her grandmother, aunt, daughter, and uncle all died.  Gees.  Some of us think we have it rough.

Lately though, well it comes and goes, I’m dealing with the death of my dad - prematurely.  I’m not trying to add any stress to my life or worry about something I have no control over.  I’ve just always wondered which is harder - an unexpected death or one you know is coming.  The latter is definitely easier to prepare for.  I don’t know that it’s easier.  It seems more drawn out to me.  It’s like waiting for Santa to come, but the opposite.  You keep dreading this day that you know is coming, but don’t know when.  He’s fine for now, just old and sick.  My whole life, he’s always said he’ll never live to be 70.  I don’t know why or where he got that from.  He’s 76 now and outlived a younger sister.  The only family in the world he has left is his brother and of course his kids and grandkids.  It just seems sad to me.  He says he’s not really scared of dying, just of judgment.  Isn’t that the fear we all have?  I tried explaining to him that Jesus is so much more merciful than we are and how His report of us is good, even when the truth is bad.  Jesus sees our hearts andmy dad has a heart of gold - sometimes misled or deceived - but pure in intentions.  He’s so very kind and would give the shirt off his back to anyone in need.  He has the patience of Job - most days.  He’s gotten a little ornery and grumpy in his old age - and so very opinionated!  It’s interesting watching people grow and change.  As much as I think about losing my dad, I know it’s inevitable so I guess I’ve come to accept it.  On the other hand, I think about losing my mom by some tragic event or whatever and I completely have to think on something different.  I don’t know how I’d react - she’s one of my best friends as much as she drives me bananas.  That’s why I try not to dwell on these things - Jesus gives us the grace to handle them when they come, otherwise we’d all run into the night screaming and pulling out our hair!

So I was just thinking about that comment - everyone I know dies.  That’s really true for all of us.  We can’t focus on the negative aspect like we’re all dying since the day we’re born.  That’s true, but I know now that no one is invincible.  Every single person on this earth has their days numbered.  The best we can do is take life by the horns and make the most of it while we’re here.  Go to weddings!!  haha

Summer Afternoon June 3, 2008

These posts always sound so much better in my head when I’m thinking them.  When I start to write them, my mind goes blank and I try to recapture the thoughts, but they seem to escape me.  When I do recall, I can’t express the thoughts the way I want to.  frustration!!

Anyway, I had about 20 minutes at home after class, before work this afternoon.  I had to do a little shopping - gathering a few items to send to Bolivia with people from church that are going down there this week.  My precious friend there requested some kit kats and dove candies and dr. pepper, but she said they have dr. pepper there now.  So I did that and tried to find a t-shirt she wanted also.  When I got home from these errands, I had to let my dog out and grabbed a mango popsicle.  I bought them because they were 100% natural and I’m in desperate need for healthy snacks because the ones I love the most don’t love me back.  Maybe they do love me back - too much - because they stay with me forever on my hips! 

So I’m outside eating my not-so-tasty mango treat (even though I love mango) sitting on the swing on my deck that my dad blessed me with instead of taking out the trash which is overflowing or washing the pots in my sink.  That stuff can wait anyway, right?  How often do you get to spend a few minutes eating a popsicle on a swing in the middle of a beautiful summer day?  Back to those pots though - that’s a whole new conversation . . .

Hot dogs.  My mom has always microwaved them, so that’s what I do.  I think boiling them is gross and makes them slimy.  Sometimes my mom would just give it to us out of the package.  When the boyfriend learned this, he was absolutely repulsed and wouldn’t kiss me for the longest time.  He also has an issue with eating hot dogs from the microwave because he says it doesn’t kill all the germs.  Whatever.  Anyway, that’s the reason for the pots in my sink because he’s been on a hot dog kick lately.  He makes them himself because if I were to make him a hot dog - it’s going in the microwave and apparently that is unacceptable!  He also informed me that should we ever have children, I had better not EVER give them a raw hot dog and he better not see me eating a raw one either!  sheesh.  people and their issues.  hehehe  So I remember a friend of mine getting acclimated to our Americanisms after marrying an American - she’s from Hungary.  She didn’t know you could microwave hot dogs either until her husband did it.  She always boiled them as well, but now she’s joined our microwaving forces.  Boiling them just takes too long and dirties up my pots!

Back to my swing and popsicle - I was sitting there enjoying the shade of the canopy with the birds flying and a neighbor’s dog barking at my dog.  My dog is so good.  She just sits there - she whimpered for just a second and then just stared at the dog until it left.  She didn’t try to chase it or anything - just sat beside of me - my little protector.  She didn’t even bark at that other dog.  She’s not allowed to bark - it’s too loud and there’s really no need for it when she’s an inside dog.  There’s nothing outside to bark at anyway or she’ll scare it away.  She likes to chase things (as she should being a cattle dog), but has gotten lazy in her old age.  She still has a lot of energy to be 10 years old though.  I got sidetracked again . . .

eating my mango popsicle, I was thinking of Bolivia and how wonderful the mango juice is there that doesn’t compare to this popsicle.  I thought the popsicle would be yummy considering all the writing on it was in Spanish.  I figured it was from a hispanic country or something.  Maybe it is and just isn’t yummy.  I dunno.  I was reminded of going to the market with my dear friend there and eating the exotic fruits we’re not privvy to here.  mmm, I miss those fruits!  I was thinking of the goodies I had gotten for her at the store and that they had melted in my car when I was looking for a t-shirt elsewhere.  They’re in my freezer now, so hopefully they’ll be half-way salvaged - that is of course, unless the messenger/courier I’m sending the goodies with doesn’t eat them on the way there!!  He already threatened that, so we’ll see.  I miss my Bolivian friends and being there with them. 

So then I rushed off to work and here I am avoiding work even after hearing this morning that we should be hard workers at our jobs because that’s a sign of how we’ll work once in the ministry.  There’s not a whole lot to do though.  Sure, there’s things I need to get done which I’m starting, but it won’t take me the full three hours I’m here to do those tasks.  Then there’s always cleaning and organizing that needs to be done.  I’m on it.

My summer day has hidden behind a blanket of storm clouds, thunder, and lightening.  Typical Florida weather! 

Differences May 31, 2008

Many times, we see differences as an obstacle or something to overcome.  I’ve learned to see differences as opportunities for growth, change, connection, and having the rough edges smoothed in the same manner as ‘iron sharpens iron’.  For instance, I’ve always imagined that I’d end up marrying someone sort of better than me in a sense.  I think I had made up this idea of an imaginary man that had the capacity to love me unconditionally with all my faults, yet have none himself.  I’ve learned that realistically, everyone has faults.

Interesting thing about these faults though - sometimes they’re not faults at all - they’re just differences.  Sometimes that’s a hard pill to swallow - realizing that just because someone is different doesn’t mean they’re wrong.  No one is right all the time about everything.  These so called faults or differences are in reality just a balance that help even out the whole spectrum of things.

Take the boyfriend for example - our strengths and weaknesses greatly compliment each other.  I’ve always been a goody-goody and he has a sordid past.  I love sweets, he loves salty stuff.  He is extremely passionate about the Word of God and studying whereas I become complacent and lazy about it.  I tend to have more compassion whereas he becomes impatient with people.  I’ve always been a people person and love attention, he’s a loner and people drain him and he feels exhausted.  When I want to, I can be quite eloquent with words and he talks in circles.  I’m frugal with money and he wants to buy me the world.  I can’t watch horror movies because I’m a wimp and those are his favorite.  I love romantic comedies and those tend to upset his stomach.  We both love movies though - especially blood and guts and gore.  We both love to worship and be in the presence of God.  We both love sushi and wings.  We love to laugh together - and argue.

Here’s another example - my brother and I are night and day.  He loves to crosstich, cook, and do gardening things.  I love to mow the grass and play with the dog or creepy crawlies (which he hates).  He’s swanky and into name brand clothing.  I’m all about the Goodwill and a good consignment store.  He loves fancy foods and getting dressed up.  I love my pajamas and honey nut cheerios.  He’s a fan of classical music and the arts.  I’m a fan of country and baseball.  He’s messy and I’m tidy.  We couldn’t be more opposite.

The point is that the differences balance each other out.  All of us together with these differences make up the image of God and His beauty.  The way I see it is like a beautiful tapestry - each person with their own color is a single thread in this huge piece of art that Jesus is knitting together.  Without one single attribute, the final product wouldn’t be complete.  We should embrace these differences and learn from them instead of resist them and judge each other for them.  I’m learning to enjoy the differences and see them as a gift rather than a test or annoyance I have to deal with.  What a blessing to see something from the outside in!